A worthy expression of leaning into the light

“How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one’s culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.”

 Barry Lopez

starting to get scared out of her mind.
what the hell was she thinking?
what american girl in her right mind would want to go to a third world country for six weeks during her summer vacation to pilot some volunteer program against human trafficking?
why would she risk her livelyhood?..her life? …for something that never has to directly affect her?
why would she force herself to care so much that she felt the need to go help with her own hands…can’t she just donate the money she raises?
she could contract some rare disease…
or she could get abused…
she’ll probably lose some weight (physically)
but gain weight (emotionally)
she will most definitely receive the biggest culture shock of her life.
can she handle all of that and remain happy?
remain sane?
is she really supposed to be sane or happy?
is she either of those right now?
because if she was, why would she still want to go?…knowing as much as she does about what she’s getting herself into and knowing that really she has no clue what will happen.
and after all that she still is excited and really wants to go
and knows that she will “love it”
even though she knows she does not understand what kind of love she will have for nepal. for the horrible situation. for those trafficked. for the traffickers…
but she wants to find out.
she is waiting for something beautiful.
and for some stupid reason she knows that it will come from going to nepal to immerse herself in a problem that affects over half a million people around the world each year.

between the above quote and the song Something Beautiful by Need to Breathe
i feel like i just might not be going insane…
maybe.

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